Include your Feelings in Your Writing

"To know how to begin to write is a great art," says author and editor Jacques Barzun. "Convince yourself that you are working in clay, not marble; on paper, not eternal bronze; let the first sentence be as stupid as it wishes...just put it down and then another...."

Make no mistake, the history you are writing will be a document of record. It will probably remain in your family a long time. For this reason, it is important that you include a reasonable number of specific and accurate facts. However, this does not mean it needs to be choked with statistics and data. The hard facts such as full names, dates, places, ages, and relationships should be woven into your writing gradually as you go along. This makes for easier reading.

If your intent is to inform, you need to include the who, what, when, where, why, and how of the story. If your intent is to illuminate and entertain, you will take more time to dig into the background of the story, you will include vivid descriptions, moving narration, and interesting anecdotes. Hopefully, your objective will be to inform, enlighten, and entertain your family as you narrate the high points of your life.

At some point you may want to ask yourself, "Why am I writing my personal history?" "Who is (or will be) my audience?" "What do I want accomplish by sharing my insights, feelings, and the events of my life?"

Will others "learn through your mistakes?" Will you share enough of your personality through your writing so your readers feel like they know you better after reading your story? Get your feelings into it. Your inner reaction to what has happened to you and how you perceive a situation can help to give your history more warmth, depth, and meaning. Many of us, because of the times in which we were raised, deny our feelings. We find it difficult to reveal our inner thoughts, to express our emotions, beliefs, and attitudes.

Our history, written from the vantage point of a lifetime of experience, provides us with an ideal opportunity to express how we feel about life, love, and our loved ones. It provides us with a chance to say some of the things we have always wanted to say but never have. Here we can express our gratitude to those who gave us a boost along the way. Here, when opportunity presents itself, we can reveal our convictions regarding the world we live in, marriage, religion, health, death, relatives, friends, and life’s values. Trust your feelings – they are usually right. Allowing them to be reflected in your history will add another dimension to it.

The more you reveal of yourself the more readily your reader can identify with you. Constant sweetness in your history may cause the reader to wonder if you lived in the real world. Reality is showing the warts as well as the dimples. Should you include the tears as well as the laughter? Absolutely! Do you want your story to be interesting and readable? Then let it honestly reflect life as you lived and observed it.

When you come to parts of your life that were difficult or challenging, you need to decide whether or not to include them in your history. Letting others see how you dealt with a problem or overcame a challenge can be a great blessing in their lives as they deal with similar circumstances. You might ask yourself questions like these: "How significant is this event in my life when I compare it to all the others?" "Has it changed the course of my life?" "Do I tend to exaggerate its importance?" "Is it something my family should really know about in order to understand me better?" "Is there some point I want to make here that could be a valuable lesson for my descendants?" You, and only you, can decide what is appropriate to include in your history.

In advocating that you let your hair down, I am not referring to very personal, traumatic moments or circumstances in your life that you cannot (and should not) bring forth. I am simply suggesting that you allow your reader to see you during those moments of give-and-take as you struggled through your life. I do not urge you to write anything that would hurt or embarrass others. There is no need to include material that might provoke family quarrels. Nor is it necessary to name names or be gory in our descriptions. I believe it is possible to describe some of the most heartbreaking moments in life with balanced, tactful writing. Remember, you can use delicate language about an indelicate subject.

Many times in writing about our lives we come to an emotional episode that tends to block us, or an experience that is too painful to deal with (yet). Maybe you just need to skip it and go on. Gradually you may come back and be able to write about the experience and your feelings, how you reacted, and the consequences. And remember this....just because you wrote it doesn’t mean you have to include it in your final history. Sometimes the actual writing of that experience is all you need to get beyond the experience. You may end up including a brief synopsis of the event in your history, or maybe you’ll feel it appropriate to include the entire thing you wrote – it is totally up to you as this is your story!

The process of looking back on one’s life and committing it to paper can bring you new insights, a rediscovery of yourself, and maybe a different perspective of your life. The simple act of writing about our lives provides us an opportunity to "take stock of our lives," to better understand ourselves, and to discern more clearly what our life has really meant.